Happy Birthday Dad
It’s been three years since you died and time has been simultaneously flying by and standing still. There are days that I am still angry, but in the almost four years since you’ve been gone, I have been able to find much more peace with your departure & I have grown very fond of my memories with you.
I didn’t learn until after you passed that you shared a birthday with Harvey Milk. Harvey Milk’s legacy teaches us courage in the face of fear and to live life with urgency. The need to get up everyday and be proud of who we are and to fight for a better society. While it is hard to draw a comparison to you and Harvey Milk, I think there is something to be said for your love for people, your willingness to dream big.
Some of my fondest memories of you is you waking up on a snow day to shovel out our house and then you would spend the day digging out all of our neighbors. You were a big dreamer. Your ideas and hope for the people around you were seemingly endless and you were the first to offer a lending hand on any project — no matter how ambitious. You were passionate and you shared that with the world. You were the life of the party, always making sure everybody was having a good time.
I became a teacher because I believe that on a micro level, good teaching moves the needle towards a greater, more just society. I am a political organizer because I believe that politics and good government can move that same needle towards a more just society. The work for both of these roles boils down to a love for people and a desire to see people achieve their full potential.
It is my students’ AP Exam day, on your birthday of course. It is the last exam of two weeks of historic assessment from the College Board where students are taking short written exams, in their own homes — completely different than the exams we have been preparing kids for since they were in Kindergarten. I would be lying if I didn’t say I was furious about that. I am furious that I am not worried about the type of questions they are going to ask, but instead whether or not my students can submit their work. I am furious that our leaders appear to be surprised at how inequitable the outcomes in schools have been during remote learning. I could go on, but I promised mom a long time ago we would stop talking about politics.
While we didn’t really agree on much, I know that I got this fire in my belly to drive for real structural change from you. Since you’ve passed away, I have grown from a child to an adult. I have felt this fire grow inside me for quite sometime and I know that you are a big part of that.
Since we are all in quarantine, this year I got this crazy idea for Mother’s Day, where I drove tons of homemade food to the people I love back home. While any rational person would have sent flowers, I realized as I was rolling pasta at 1am that this was something you would have done just to see all the women in our life smile. I am grateful for that irrational spirit to run with an idea just to make someone smile.
I probably haven’t said “I miss you” much since you’ve passed, mostly because I have been a little angry. But I do miss you — a lot. While I know you would still be picking on me right now, I know you would also be extremely proud of me.
Love you dude,
KC — never Kevin — Hankins
